Denial

It had all been a blur. A horrible cloud in the back of her mind that she dare not delve into for fear of breaking completely. Because Spike could not be dead.

She had scoured desperately through her memories and determined that Spike would never leave her. He wasn't dead. Okay, so he was, but that was a vampire thing. Spike was not dust. He would be clawing his way out of the rubble any second now, and when he did she would run and shove him under some alcove away from the sun and hit him until he accepted her love. Then kiss him senseless because he was alive.

She just knew it.

Why hadn't he accepted her love? Years of insisting and attempting to convince her she did, and when she finally uttered the words he just denied it and sent her on her way. She hated him for it. An extra punch, then.

Where was he? She was getting annoyed, and her friends kept insisting he was dead. She ignored them, of course. Glanced briefly at Dawn's tear-stained face then looked at the crater again, because he would come out and make her sister see there was no need to mourn him.

Willow touched her arm, pity on her face. "Buffy, I'm sorry, but he's gone. We should go."

"Why do you keep saying Spike is dead? He's not. He's coming back to me." She gasped. "I need to be there to help him!" She started to run towards the crater. Spike would be disoriented, he would try to get the rubble off then be helpless to the sun. Or maybe he was hiding under the rocks to wait it out. Or wait for her. Because he couldn't be dead.

She felt herself being held back, heard voices screaming in her ear, but she didn't care, because Spike was not dead, and he needed her. She tore herself from her friend's grip and jumped off the edge, and she barely felt her neck snap as she hit the ground.

Because Spike was not dead, he was waiting. And he had waited long enough for her.